COUNTRY HUMOR

Living in the country often gives you a different outlook on wildlife.
The following stories are funny but true!

The Skunks

Although this does not start out to be humorous it does have a funny side to it.
A few summers ago we were warned that there seemed to be a rise of rabies in wild animals.
Ordinarily you don't see skunks out prowling around in the daylight hours.
One morning while fixing coffee, I looked out the kitchen window and saw a skunk.
At the time we had an outside dog that would try to keep things run off.
I feared that she might be bitten so I got the shot gun and killed the skunk.
Later that evening I went out to burn our trash and as I went around the corner
of our utility building I saw 5 baby skunks.
I knew instantly that I had killed their mother that morning.

I eased back and went to the house, got my heavy gloves, mop bucket
and a plastic clothes basket.
I went back outside and when I got to the baby skunks I started dropping
the baskets over them.
I caught three of them and put them in an empty rabbit cage.
Later on that evening I caught the other two.
I fed them tuna fish, lettuce and canned cat food.

My husband Jerry was not happy about any of this!
When he came home I received the "LECTURE"
about what I should do with these poor babies.
I didn't listen of course and continued to feed them
until they were old enough to be turned loose.
Then I received the "BIG LECTURE"
on why I should take them out into the woods.
Again, I didn't listen!

Later in the summer we had skunks coming up on our front porch
to eat the catfood.
Jerry told me YOUR BABIES are back!
The following summer Jerry was sitting on the front porch just after dark
when a skunk politely walked up on the porch, walked right past him
and began eating the catfood.

Jerry came in the house, got the shot gun and went back out intending to kill it.

He sat down in a chair and waited for it to finish eating and leave so he wouldn't
shoot the floor of the porch.

I was in the house nearly rolling on the floor with laughter.

He sat there for about 10 minutes before the skunk had its fill,
turned and walked back down the steps.
Jerry shot, it sprayed and got away!
Jerry is not the best shot in the world, thank goodness!

But, I love him anyway!

THE REASON HE WAITED TO SHOOT!

THE 'POSSUM

( Opossum for city folks )

Before the baby skunks came along we had a 'possum
as a nightly visitor at the kitchen door to eat the cat food.
The 'possum was growing quite rapidly and soon started
bowing up at our cats to scare them away.

One night I heard an awful commotion at the back door
and when I went to look one of the cats and the 'possum
were having a hissing contest.

I got my big heavy duty flashlight stepped out on the porch and
proceeded to whack the day lights out of the 'possum.
Naturally it ran off and I thought that would be the end of it.

In a very few minutes it was back, JERRY GETS HIS SHOT GUN!
When he opened the door it ran into our carport under my car.
Jerry closed the door and patiently waited for it to return.
Sure enough in about 30 minutes here it came back,
Jerry opens the door and KA-BOOM he shoots!

Unfortunately, he didn't step outside the door and
nearly deafened me with the major portion of the sound
coming in the house. He also blew away a good chunk of
the steps, splattered various parts of the 'possum on the side of my car,

BUT HE GOT HIS 'POSSUM!

THE WEED-EATER AND THE SNAKE

Living in the country you just naturally expect to see snakes
in your outbuildings.
They are good mousers and normally I don't bother them

IF THEY DON'T BOTHER ME!

Last summer on my first forage to the outbuilding to do some
wood working I looked very carefully and found a big black snake
laying along the rafters. After looking around I noticed that
there wasn't any evidence of mice chewing things up so
I thought I would leave him alone.

For several weeks, I always looked to make sure where he was
and then one morning he had left and a chicken snake
had moved in. I made several trips out there and
one day decided to try my luck at sharpening our
lawn mower blades.

Jerry has a grinder and when I turned it on to sharpen the blades
the noise or vibration must have irritated the snake.
I didn't get the snake down and examine it to see if it had ears!
When I got through with the blades I turned to leave and that
snake was hanging down about a foot and a half, wiggling
back and forth and sticking his tongue out at me!

I looked around for something to defend myself with
and spyed the electric weed-eater.
I grabbed it and plugged it in and started weed whacking him!
In the process I also cut slices in a pair of rubber
rain pants Jerry had.

I DIDN'T GET THE SNAKE!

A few days later Jerry goes out and there the snake is
being very bold with him.
He comes back to the house and gets his gun,
NO, NOT THE SHOT GUN!
This time he gets his 22 rifle ?????

He told me later he didn't want to blow a hole in the floor.
However, he did shoot through sheets of plywood and the wall.
I didn't ask how that happened, but

HE GOT HIS SNAKE!

There seems to be a good reason for gun control around here!

THE COLLIE, CAT AND ROOSTER!

Several years ago Jerry decided he wanted to have
chickens around the place in order to hear the crowing of a rooster.
We looked around and one day found several Chinese Silkies.
Chinese Silkies have long fluffy white feathers and fluffy down around their feet.
I thought they were pretty so Jerry bought a couple of pairs.

We brought them home and after a few days Jerry started turning them
out into the yard to get "fresh" food.
Naturally the roosters didn't get along.
The biggest one was continually beating up on the smaller one.
He may have been smaller but he had good sense!

One evening we were sitting out in the yard and the roosters started fighting.
Here they came around the corner of the house and the little one
was making a bee line straight for the dog house.
Our Collie was laying out in front of it and that rooster ran over
and stopped right beside the dog.

The bigger rooster stopped at the sight of the dog.
This continued for several weeks with the smaller rooster
always running to our Collie for protection.

One morning I happened to look out the window when I heard
a rooster crowing.
There the little one was, standing in the dog house door crowing his head off.
In just a minute out comes the Collie followed by our Manx cat!
The dog and cat stretched rather lazily and the rooster flapped his wings
and they all went their separate ways until night time.

After that day it was a common sight to look out when it started to storm
and see the dog, cat and rooster all go in the doghouse.

Ahh! Life in the country is Great!

Country Humor Page Two