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Page Two

Living in the country often gives you a different outlook on wildlife.
The following stories are funny but true!

The Night Our Cat Wore a Mask

For several weeks the container we keep the cat food in
had been turned over and cat food strewn everywhere.
I would go out the next morning and give a very
stern lecture to our hoodlum youngster cat.

She is always in to something she isn't supposed to be
and naturally she got the blame for this as well.
After lecturing her I snapped the lid down tightly.

That night sitting at the computer it sounded as though
something or someone was tearing the front porch down.
I grabbed my trusty flashlight and shined it through the window.

Little Bit, (that is the hoodlum cat's name) turned her head
and stared at me.  I said, "Good grief Little Bit, what have you been into now?"
She had something all over her face.

She raised up on her back legs and stuck her face up to the window.
That is when I got the shock and thrill of seeing a
young raccoon who had decided to join the menagerie.

For several nights I left extra food out and then came to my senses.
Although they and the skunks are very cute critters
they do not need to be encouraged to hang around.

I love seeing them and knowing that the wildlife
has finally made a comeback to our area, BUT..

They are a dangerous source of rabies and other diseases
and should not be encouraged or tempted to eat from your pets food bowls.

It Could Have Been Disastrous

What started very serious turned out quite funny
    when my parents had a house fire.

Fortunately there wasn't much damage
and as the story unfolds it is hilarious.

First the phone.  During my last visit with my parents
there was a phone purchased and installed that has
speed dial on it.  I thought this would be very
convenient for Dad since his eyes aren't as good as Mom's.
I set up the numbers for them in the right places for
ambulance, fire and police then put all of the children
on the speed dial buttons on the keypad.
This past week their fuse box shorted out and started

Mom told Dad she could smell smoke and he promptly assured her
that she was smelling smoke on his clothes because he had been in town
and where he was they had done something that caused smoke.
He was also smoking his cigar so he informed her that she was
smelling his clothes and the cigar.

Mom finished the dishes and walked into the bedroom to find it filled with smoke.
She immediately rushed into the kitchen and said. "Ace the house is on fire,
call the fire department.  All you have to do is punch 2."

Dad rushes to the phone and punches the 2 on keypad.
The phone rings and a lady answers the phone and Dad tells her
to come to their house that the house is on fire.
She states, "I can't right now, I'm eating breakfast."

Well, my Father is famous for his short fuse and needless to say
that statement burned it right to the end.
I can't repeat all that he told this woman before he hung up.

He then hit 2 again, my sister in law answers the phone
and Mom comes through the house and Dad tells her with
an astonished look on his face that Diane is on the phone
and what the woman said when he called the fire department.

Mom promptly tells him, "Well, hang up the damn phone
and call the police department, they will get the fire department up here."

By this time Dad is about to explode and he calls the local police
department and tells them to go across the street and "get those
lazy b_ __tards off their butts and up here.  They told me they
couldn't come because they were eating breakfast."

In just a few minutes the police and fire are there and the
fire is out.  Dad was not very polite to the fire personnel
due to being told they couldn't come right now because they were eating

Turns out that Dad had punched my brothers speed dial number of 2
instead of the emergency section 2 and my sister in law thought
he was joking around and promptly told him she couldn't come because
she was eating breakfast.

Back to Page 1 of Country Humor